Last week, God asked me to put my money where my mouth is.
I’ve expended many a keystroke on this blog writing about wanting to follow Him and becoming a better Catholic, a better daughter of God, in the middle of the ordinary world. Being somebody with a record of talking big but hardly ever acting on what I say, I’m not really surprised that I was finally challenged to prove it in a pretty big way.
I won’t get into details about what went down. Not every story has to be told in a visceral fashion in order for its lessons to be made clear. What I can say is that of all the hard choices I’ve had to make, this was the hardest…and of all those, this was the only one that wasn’t made for only my own good.
God challenged me not only to fly out of a nest, but also to let another person do the same thing – both with no strings attached to the ground of human wants and desires, because that’s how we end up flying in circles instead of into the horizon.
If we’re flying in circles, we’re not following God…and for somebody with faith, that’s a big deal. As CS Lewis once wrote, “To walk out of His will is to walk into nowhere.” Being a woman of faith, I am confident in God and I trust in His wisdom when it comes to the unknown. As long as I walk in His wake, even into the unknown my path is certain.
But of course I am only human, and of course that means I have questions about this, even though it was a decision I executed in certainty after much consideration and long deliberation.
Was the choice I made the right one?
Buried somewhere in this hurt, is there hope?
Upon what branch will I alight when this next leg of migration is over?
Being a woman of faith, I know I can question God and somewhere, somehow, He will give me the answers I seek. I feel a quiet peace now in my heart; small though it may be where it lies in the very centre of myself, it is there and it will grow. My heart might be wrapped up in sadness for now, but one day it will be wrapped up in joy again. And no matter where my next nest will be, as long as I follow God’s call on the wind I will be one step closer to Home.