Here we go again.
I couldn’t let an entire year pass by again before writing another post, but to be honest for the last not-quite-a-year I’ve been at a loss for words. There are days where I feel like I have no words to describe what’s going on in my life, let alone to disect it and attempt to distill some kind of significant human experience from it.
My husband and I created an entirely new human being together — a person we are privileged to both cultivate and observe as he blossoms before our very eyes. Trust me, some days I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Yes, this baby was planned (and longed for) and yes, we were not trying to Jedi mind-trick ourselves into believing it would be easy. Yet even knowing that it was going to be hard and brace ourselves for it wasn’t quite enough to truly prepare for what happens when you become a parent for the first time. It’s almost like you need to actually be majorly sleep-deprived for the true reality of the situation to really sink in.
Actually, “sink in” is too gentle a term for what it does to you. It actually feels more like being hit across the face with a shovel.
I am no longer a single young twenty-something trying to figure things out. I am now a married almost-thirty trying to figure things out (usually while my baby executes a new plan to distract me from figuring things out). One nut I’ve been trying to crack throughout the first year of marriage and then into pregnancy and motherhood is a way to blog about “discovering the world and finding the significant human experience” without encroaching first upon the privacy of my husband and then that of our child.
After all, being a wife and a mother may not be my only roles as a woman of this world, but they’re inarguably intrinsic to my identity now and massively influence my individual self. And how does one keep one’s private life off the Internet when one’s blog is all about how the small events of one’s daily life become catalysts to the bigger changes that lead one to one’s purpose?
But I think I’ve figured out how to do it. In addition to being excited to try out this plan I’ve concocted, I also really miss writing and have come to realize how much deeper I was able to root myself in things that matter when I wrote about them.
Here we go again.